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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955532">Hard To Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having'>the_only_education_worth_having</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Advent Calendar of Fics [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Arguing, Crying, Established Relationship, F/M, Fighting, Hardships, Kisses, Kissing, Love, Making Up, Song fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:28:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Girl you've given me a million second chances and I don't ever wanna take you for granted</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Advent Calendar of Fics [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042707</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hard To Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hard To Love - Lee Brice</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>The wind was cold and icy on my face. The tear tracks that had formed on my face were now like icicles and the hood of the car was now painfully cold and penetrating through my jeans. I pulled my jacket a little tighter around me though it did nothing to fend off of the icy wind that was bearing down on me. I looked down at my phone and found that I had been out for two hours. I also had fifteen miss calls and texts from Dean and a couple from Sam begging me to take his brother on because he was driving him crazy. I sighed and slid off the hood of the car. I wiped my face with my sleeve and got inside the impala. The air was just as cold in here and I shivered as I turned on the car and the heaters started blowing cold air at me. The stereo blared out the Led Zeppelin tape that I had played on the way here when my sadness was more anger. I turned it over to a radio station that I could tune out and drove back to the motel. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It was a long drive. After Dean and I had had a massive argument I had stormed out, took the impala and just drove. I hadn’t stopped when I got onto the highway and had driven until I ran out of steam and pulled into a deserted truck stop and broke down in tears. It seemed a shorter drive on the way back and I was sitting outside the motel room in the car in no time wondering what I should do. I had warmed up considerable but I needed to pee yet I still couldn’t force myself to go inside. I lay my head on the steering wheel thinking through what I should do. As I did there was a squeak as the door opened. I looked up to see Dean sliding in the passenger side. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>I turned my gaze away. He green eyes were wide and pleading when he looked at me and I could feel myself crumbling. We sat in silence for ten minutes before Dean’s phone rang and disturbed us. He answered in a low voice as if he didn’t want me to be disturbed though I heard every word, ‘Hello...yeah she’s back...no....get your own damn food we’ve got our own stuff...Well, walk then...Jesus Sam,’ he said turning his phone off with force. ‘You can go and get Sam something to eat you know. I’m not stopping you,’ I said.  ‘Sam can get his own damn food. Besides don’t you think that it’s better for us to hash this thing out.’  ‘Since when did Dean Winchester want to speak about his feelings? Ever?’  ‘Okay, I deserve that,’ he said holding up his hands, ‘but this was a doozy of a fight. Maybe I don’t want to sweep it under the rug.’  ‘I don’t want to argue again,’ I said rubbing my nose which was growing colder again now the engine had been switched off.  ‘Neither do I,’ he said reaching a hand out and putting it on my leg. His large hands felt warm even though the denim of my jeans.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Dean,’ I said unable to stop my voice from cracking as I spoke, ‘you really hurt me you know.’ ‘I know,’ he said.  ‘And this, it isn’t going away.’ ‘I know that too. And I’ve been speaking to Sammy and Cas and they’ve made me see some sense I was too hard on you I know that now. I should not have reacted the way I did and some of the things I said I shouldn’t have. I know that.’ ‘You didn’t think that at the time?’ I asked incredulously.  ‘It was the heat of the moment?’ he said with a confused face as if he was guessing an answer on jeopardy than telling me something.  ‘It was you being an ass.’</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘Okay, that’s fair,’ he said, ‘but it’s never exactly been in the Winchester manifesto to ask questions first and then shoot. Sometimes my mouth says things before my brain can react and tell me it’s a stupid idea.’ ‘That doesn’t mean that you don’t think those things,’ I said with a sigh.  ‘True. But just because that’s how I feel initially doesn’t mean that I can’t come around to other ways of thinking y’know. I mean remember when we first got together? I was adamant that we wouldn’t work and that something bad would happen every single day. I let it get in our way and I shouldn’t have but you made me see that that’s not how it needs to be.’ </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>I looked at him and nodded. He smiled that knee-weakening smile and pulled on my arm. I fell into his side and allowed him to encircle me with his stronghold. As I lay my head on his chest I could hear the steady thump of his heartbeat underneath my ear. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>I felt my anger and hurt melting away. I felt him press a kiss into the top of my head as his hand trailed up and down my back. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>‘I love you,’ he mumbled into my hair and I smiled.  ‘I love you too,’ I replied and he sighed.  ‘I know it’s not always easy. I know I’m a jack ass. I drink too much, I test your trust most of the time and I give you mountains of grief. Honestly, I don’t know if I could do it if it were the other way around. Sometimes I don’t know how you stay with me,’ he said. ‘Dean,’ I grumbled,  ‘you’re not that bad. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.’ ‘It’s true. I’m like a wrecking ball sometimes. Tonight is case in point but don’t you think that I don’t know that I’m like that. Don’t think for a second that I don’t appreciate the fact you put up with me day in and day out because I love you Y/N. I really do.’ ‘Dean Winchester are you going soft on me?’ I chuckled looking up at him. Though he cracked a smile I could tell his eyes was legitimately serious. I leaned up and kissed him tenderly and I could feel him smiling into it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He was right. He was lucky to have me. But I was lucky to have him. Even if he was a pain in the ass. </p>
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